Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Yesterday's Reason That I'm A Complete Idiot

We all know I did yard work yesterday, because I've mentioned it about 5 times. Okay, so I'm out there on my hands and knees in the front yard, digging weeds out of the lawn. It's summer, over 90 degrees, and I'm wearing a tank top. Here is my internal dialogue:

I should put on sunscreen, because I'm going to burn. Well, I'm in and out of the shade here. I won't be exposed to the sun that long. It's my shoulders, they're nice and tan, so they'll probably just get tanner. It'll be fine. I don't need sunscreen. It'll be fine.

Needless to say, I got a sunburn.

It wasn't, however, just my shoulders. What I failed to realize when I was out there was that the tank top I was wearing was riding up, exposing a little strip of skin approximately two inches wide on my lower back. You know, where I'd have a tattoo if I was about 10 years younger? I first noticed it when I got out of the shower yesterday. My first thought was, oh crap, I'm stupid. Then, a few minutes later, I went running back over to the mirror to check the location of the burn again, and was relieved to find it several inches north of the crack area. Not only would I not like to think that I was out there in the front yard showing off butt cleavage for most of the day yesterday, but this sunburn is already stupid enough without it involving my buttcrack, don't you think? I mean, you would think I would have noticed if my pants had been riding that low -- but you would have thought I would have noticed that my top was riding up and exposing that little strip of skin too, and I didn't, did?

Now, the tank top I was wearing is what they call a racer-back, which means it leaves pretty much your whole shoulder blade area exposed to the elements. This is fine, as my shoulders and accompanying blades are old hands at weathering sunburn. I'd say they get a good one at least once a year, despite my best efforts. Not so for the strip of skin on my lower back. When I showed it to Reasonable Man yesterday, he exclaimed in shock.

"What, is it purple?" I asked?

"No, but it's pretty red," he said, because he's nice that way. A lot of people would probably have been more like, "Purple? Try magenta!" Or something like that. They might have used the word "crispy," which would have been fitting. We are talking about skin that hasn't been exposed to sun since sometime back in the 70s when my mom used to buy me those little girl bikinis. This skin doesn't have the year-to-year seasoning that my shoulder blades have. In other words, finding a comfortable sleeping position last night was kind of a job.

Thanks for those high-thread-count, silky, satiny sheets you gave us for Christmas this past year, Mom and Dad. I promise to wear my sunscreen from now on.

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