Several years ago, Reasonable Man and I came up with the idea that some people are going to a special place in hell for their especially egregious karmic crimes in this earthly realm. We were inspired to embrace this theory when we heard that Dorothy Hamill, she of the famous short haircut and 1976 Olympic gold medal in ladies' figure skating, was divorcing her second husband because he had cheated on her. Multiple times.
"Oh, man, cheating on Dorothy Hamill," Reasonable Man commented. "That guy is going to his own special place in hell." And so the concept was born.
Over the years, we haven't been moved to nominate cell-mates for Dorothy Hamill's cheating ex-husband very often. A few years ago, somebody, or several somebodies, broke into the kindergarten classrooms at our neighborhood elementary school and absconded with a couple of laptop computers and a few other items. The fact that they'd chosen the kindergartens -- not the office, or the science lab, or the library -- the kindergartens, for God's sake -- that caused us to surmise that those individuals would be sharing living quarters with Dorothy's ex in that special place in hell. But this guy takes the cake. Can you freaking imagine? A tee ball coach pays one of his players to hit the autistic kid in the head so he can't play the rest of the game and they can win? Holy shit -- I'm speechless.
Now, in light of this particular story, I really can only give a Special Place in Hell honorable mention to whoever the asshole out there is who stole the Austism Awareness ribbon magnet-thingy off the back of my minivan. I'm really puzzling over this. Who the hell would do that? Seriously -- does it make sense that the person who sees it and thinks "oh, autism awareness! Yeah, that rocks! I need one of those!" then decides there's nothing wrong with ripping it off my car and slapping it on his or her own? I guess it's possible that it just fell off, but -- it was a magnet. Unless there was some brief suspension of the laws of physics that I failed to notice, I don't really see how that would happen. I'm thinking human hands had to be involved. And that being the case -- who? If anyone has any theories on this, I'd really like to hear them.