RGKS: My Top Five Stories About My Son Puking

A few days ago I delighted my 10-year-old son by pointing out that the song playing on the radio, "Down Under" by Men At Work, contains a lyric about vomiting ("I come from a land down under/where beer does flow and men chunder").  This got me thinking about the only other song I know of with a line about vomiting, which is "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers - or so I thought.  I had always heard the line as "And when I heave up, well you know I'm gonna be/ I'm gonna be the man who heaves up next to you," but when I looked it up for clarification, it turned out that that actual line is "And when I haver, well you know I'm gonna be/I'm gonna be the man who's havering next to you."  The definition of haver, according to an online dictionary, is to spout nonsense, which is something that is definitely just as likely to happen when one drinks as puking.  In any case, that ruined my idea for making a list of songs that mention vomiting.  I'm sure others besides "Down Under" exist, but I can't think of any, so instead, I'm going to share my top five stories about my son, who is talented in this area, losing his lunch, or breakfast, or dinner.  

5. New Friends

A few years ago, our family was invited to dinner at the home of some friends we'd recently met.  Their house was large, immaculate, and had white carpeting throughout.  We had a very nice evening, with the kids happily watching a movie and the adults enjoying a meal in the dining room without interruption, until after dessert, when my son wandered into the study and deposited the entire contents of his stomach, which included pizza, ice cream and several juice boxes, in the middle of the floor.  After my husband and I cleaned up the bulk of it, our hostess demonstrated the powers of her excellent spot-cleaning machine from Sharper Image, and generally, she and her husband couldn't have been lovelier about it.  Still, the incident pretty much killed the evening for us, and we left with our heads hanging low.  Amazingly, we have been invited back several times.

4. Swimming Lessons

The summer he was three, Will took a one-week session of swimming lessons at a local pool.  He yakked in the pool 3 of the 5 sessions, causing it to be evacuated each times.

3. Blue

One day the year Will was in kindergarten, I arrived at school to work in his classroom to see that the mouth and lips of every child in his class were stained toilet-bowl blue.  Their sheepish teacher, who earlier that week had sent home a notice asking parent to please pack healthier snacks for their students, explained that a little girl in the class had brought cupcakes with bright blue frosting to celebrate her birthday that day.  When school was over, I took Will home and fed him lunch.  Within an hour, he turned a little pale and, before I could get him to the bathroom, sprayed blue chunks all over the family room rug.  He continued to barf blue on and off for the rest of the afternoon.

2. Two in One Day

A few years ago, we stayed overnight in San Francisco, and the next morning, we went to breakfast at a recommended place, Sears Fine Food, near our hotel.  Will enjoyed something in the pancake/waffle family of breakfast foods, perhaps a little too quickly, and when his sister got up to use the restroom, he took advantage of the situation by turning his head and hurling his breakfast on the seat she'd just left vacant.  A harried waitress helped us clean up the smelly mess and was rewarded with a tip equal to the amount of our bill.  We spent a fun day at the Exploratorium and stopped for lunch at a chain restaurant on our drive home.  As we were getting ready to go, Will got that look on his face and my husband was able to get him to the restroom before he spewed, thus making this the day he managed to throw up at every restaurant we took him to.

1. Fake Crying

My daughter is a picky eater, and one night I made a new recipe I thought she would love, so I was surprised when she was resistant.  "Take a bite of that and tell me you don't like it," I dared her.  Well, you can probably guess what happened: the little stinker brought the tiniest morsel to her lips and declared "I don't like it."  I burst into fake, dramatic sobs, which failed to impress my daughter.  My toddler son, on the other hand, failed to grasp that I was only pretending, and burst into real tears.  My husband and I tried to calm him down, but we weren't fast enough, and before we knew what was happening, he became so worked up that he horked all over the dinner table, drowning his dinner plate in its previous contents, only now in liquid form.  Three times in quick succession, in fact, did he heave.  We spent fifteen minutes cleaning up, after which our daughter returned to the table and ate every bite of the recipe I had earlier been so sure she would enjoy.

Everyone Has Probably Stopped Reading My Blog

But I'm posting anyway.  In spite of the fact that no one is going to read and I actually have nothing to say.  I really liked blogging and am sorry I let it fall by the wayside.  So I'm going to try to get it started again.  Wish me luck!

It's one of my favorite times of the week - I'm sitting on the couch with coffee, my computer, and the dogs next to me on a Saturday morning.  We have one commitment for the weekend, but it's a fun one (yay, we get to see Jayla today! Ryan is chortling in the kitchen as I write this), we have a new copy of Rock Band 2 to amuse us, the weather is nice.  Ryan and I had a nice evening out last night - dinner and a play, Avenue Q, which was really fun.  I got a new haircut this week that I like.  The freezer is full of Dream Dinners, so my family will eat well for a few weeks.  The puppy's spay incision healed up nicely and she doesn't have to wear those dumb little tee shirts anymore.  We get to see Jayla today!  So yeah, life is good.

Wouldn't you be in a good mood if you knew you got to hang out with this person today?

Inauguration Day!

I don't blog nearly often enough anymore, but today I'm sitting here watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama, and I just want to say something to mark the occasion.  Progress marches on, regardless of efforts to stop it, because this country is free.  I am not always the most patriotic person around, but I acknowledge that this day is here because of the rights granted in our Constitution - freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, the amendments to the Bill of Rights that freed the slaves in the south and that granted women the right to vote.  

Gay rights propositions went down this past November, but their day is coming too.  There has never been occasion in this country that we looked back at a time when we denied basic rights to a group of our citizens with anything but shame and regret.  A generation ago, it was still illegal in some states for mixed-race couples to marry, and today we've elected the child of a mixed-raced couple as our new president.  I can't help but notice what a beautiful thing it is to see women and people of color not only among the massive crowd watching this historic event, but involved in the proceedings, mixed in among all the officials, making this day possible.

You can't stop it - progress marches on.  Happy Inauguration Day to all!

Funny Coincidence

This is our dog Buster:

This is our puppy, Posy:


And this is Buster Posey, former Florida State baseball star and 2008 draftee for the San Francisco Giants:


Buster is a pretty common name for dogs, though not for people -- I was happy to see on Buster Posey's Wikipedia entry that it's not his real name (which is Gerald, and I can't blame him for wanting to be rid of that). Posy (or posey), however, is not a common name, for people or dogs, which is part of the reason I chose it. So I find it very entertaining that there's a baseball player named Buster Posey, and he is a player for the team to which I have the most allegiance (I won't go so far as to call myself a fan, since I barely pay any attention most seasons, but I grew up in a Giants family and continue to feel fondly toward them despite being married to a rabid Dodgers fan). Also, like Buster and Posy, Buster Posey is extremely cute. Seriously -- look at that guy.

I have a new favorite baseball player :-)

I pretty much live my life on Facebook now, but I know everyone isn't there, so I wanted to post some pictures and give a few details here too.

First, Ryan and I attended my high school reunion September 27, and it was a lot of fun! I was really nervous, but ended up having a great time.

I'd barely recovered from that when I spontaneously adopted a puppy two days later! Posy is a toy poodle/terrier mix, about 2 1/2 months old, and just the cutest thing ever! House-training is a challenge, and Buster keeps looking at me as if to say "how could you do this to me?", but we are all enjoying her.



Most importantly, this past Saturday, October 11 at 8:05 am, my niece Jayla Jean was born. Her parents are my brother Chad and his wife Angela. I was lucky enough to be there for her arrival, along with my mom, Angela's mom and sister Lora, and of course, Chad. Watching Jayla's birth was absolutely amazing, and of course we are all in love with her, no one so much as her daddy! It's so much fun to see my little brother as a dad :-)

So that's the big news here! Soon we will head down to the valley for Ryan's high school reunion, we are all looking forward to dressing up for Halloween, and of course there is regular life, with school, activities, PTA, and this marathon election season. I'm a mama for Obama! Just say no to McPain!

Everything I Know I Learned On Our Summer Vacation

A trip to Newport Beach can be as nice as a trip to Hawaii if you factor in several things, including but not limited to the fact that being able to drive means you don’t have to pay for airfare and a car rental, makes it possible to travel on your own schedule, and allows you to bring along everything you can cram into your car.

Spray sunscreen in a can is convenient when you’re putting it on, but it sure doesn’t seem worth the money when you use up an entire can of it just trying to get your family of four properly screened before your first morning at the beach.

The combination of a functional set of black swim-shorts with a cute, colorful bikini top means that, while my body is not exactly bikini friendly, it is not strictly bikini unfriendly either.

Arcades are pretty much similarly scummy wherever you go.

Sand can get into the most amazing places.

There’s probably such a thing as being too vigilant about sunscreen, but that level of vigilance is not one I have ever managed to reach.

Everyone in my immediate family sunburns easily.

A single-day ticket to Disneyland has become so prohibitively expensive that it can actually seem to make sense to just buy annual passes for the whole family and plan to come back a few times later in the year.

Credit card companies use perverse non-customer-serving logic, such as to simply decline charges that seem too big rather than giving the customers a hassle-free way to authorize them. This can lead to unpleasantness, especially when one is on vacation, and, frankly, seems counter to the desire of credit card companies as well. Don’t they want you to charge a lot of stuff?

It’s actually possible to go to Disneyland in the middle of August and have it be fun and not so ridiculously crowded that you spend all your time waiting in line. We recommend going on a Wednesday when the economy is crappy and Disney has just raised tickets prices a few weeks earlier.

Somehow, the saccharine schmaltz of Disney doesn’t seem that bad when you are actually inside Disneyland.

If you are walking around, say, a theme park, and it’s so hot and humid that the sweat seems to be pouring off you, a margarita is excellent remedy.

Just as the fact that fries are fattening doesn’t keep you from eating them on a frequent basis, the fact that you rented a condo and brought lots of food so you could eat home-cooked meals on your vacation doesn’t keep you from eating out a lot.

A walk of almost any length is too long the day after you spend fourteen hours walking around Disneyland.

The experience of swimming in the ocean teaches many life lessons. For instance, like life, the ocean can be dangerous, but if you don’t get out there, you’re never going to have any fun. Also, the ocean does things on its own terms. You can try to stand at the edge and not get wet above your knees, but if a wave wants to soak you, you’re going to get soaked. It’s better to learn to float along with it than keep fighting against it. And even when you do, you’re still going to get slammed into the beach by a rogue wave you weren’t ready for every once in a while.

However true that last item may be, having a mother who expects you to appreciate nuggets of wisdom like “The ocean isn’t fair” right after a rogue wave has slammed you into the beach is probably kind of a drag.

Even the best, most relaxing vacation can be tiring.

A little 2 bedroom/1 bath condo just a couple of blocks from the beach in great weather is terrific for a week’s vacation, but toward the end, you’re still pretty much ready to get back to having a dishwasher, a DVD player, reliable wi-fi, separate bedrooms for the kids, multiple bathrooms, your dog, and air conditioning. In other words, home.

Car Names

Here is my list of best, boring and WTF? worst names:

BEST:
Element - Elegant simplicity -- it's elemental. Would have been perfect for a compact hybrid with nice lines.

Escape - we rented one of these and it was a sluggish, rattling piece of crap. It would be a great name for a zippy little car though

Sonata - just sounds nice. I'd drive one. I guess it's not real manly though.

Avalon - See Sonata.

Odyssey - Perfect for a minivan -- it sounds like a non-perilous adventure to me.

Pacifica - I am a West-Coast girl

Caravan - Also perfect for a minivan -- it sounds cozy and familial.

Solara - See Sonata.

Jetta - Sounds zippy and cute, but kind of cool too.

BORING:

Anything that is letters, numbers, or a combination thereof (Example: my car, the Mazda MPV)

Most made-up names (Examples: Camry, Corolla, Lumina, Elantra)

Everything made by Kia (Examples: Spectra, Sorrento, Optima)

Accord - as in, the two factions reached accord. *snore*

Civic - as in doing your civic duty by driving something that gets good gas mileage. Great car, boring name.

Passat - conveys nothing to me

BAD:

Aspire - This could have worked on a really high-end car. But putting it on a boxy little subcompact just makes you think everyone driving one aspires to be driving something better

Buick Lucerne - it just makes me think of the brand of dairy products. Horrible

Chevy Uplander - what?

Avalanche - I don't want to drive anything that sounds like a natural disaster

Aztek - Let's name a car after an ancient civilization and then spell it wrong.

Chevy Equinox - I get that they are going with an astronomical term, but it just doesn't sing

Envoy (Denali)and Yukon (Denali)- I don't know what the Denali means on either of these, but both Enjoy and Yukon sound heavy to me. Some people might think that's good, but I don't.

Mercury Grand Marquis - there is nothing royal about this car. Give it up, Mercury

Nissan Armada - an armada is a fleet of ships. I can only guess Nissan is banking on the general public not knowing the actual definition of the word with this one

Pontiac Vibe - too close for comfort

Saturn Relay - sounds dinky and cheap

Suzuki Grand Vitara - grand what?

Touareg - maybe I'd like this better if I spoke German

Mitsubishi Lancer - this just sounds painful


All-Time Worst Car Names:

Pinto - I don't remember when it came out, but it's hard to imagine this ever sounded good, even in the 70s

Citation - duh. Hopefully whoever green-lit this one got fired

Probe - I think this is the all-time worst car name ever. EVER. It's not even a pleasant euphemism for anything it might bring to mind. And no one wants to see anything called a "Probe" coming up fast behind them

A Tale of Two Songs

I'm terrible at keeping up with current music. I always know what movies are out and what awesome things are currently on TV, but my knowledge of music is usually hopelessly out of date. For instance, last year I decided I really liked a song I kept hearing at the gym, so I located it online and discovered it had gained popularity after having been featured on "Grey's Anatomy" the year before. Ugh! Two other recent favorite songs of mine were songs I downloaded after hearing them in commercials. It's embarrassing.

There are two songs I've had on almost constant rotation on the old iPod lately, and they could not be more different. One is the Oscar-winning "Falling Slowly" from the film "Once," which I recently watched. It's a pretty decent little indie film that I can recommend to anyone who can grasp the idea that in the movie, two people become friends and make music and that's pretty much all that happens. "Falling Slowly" is a beautiful, heartfelt song, and listening to it always reminds me of when, on Oscar night, Jon Stewart brought the two singer/songwriters back onstage so the female one could give an acceptance speech, apparently feeling it was rude for the orchestra to have rush the two of them off the stage prematurely. Any song that reminds me of how I heart Jon Stewart is a good song.

In sharp contrast to "Falling Slowly," the other song stuck in my head non-stop these days is at least brand new. I read about it in some pop-culture-themed blog where the basic idea was "no, this song will not suck me in," so I ended up watching the video and felt compelled to download the song almost immediately. The song is an incredibly asinine little dance tune sung by Vanessa Hudgens of "High School Musical" (and naked internet pictures) fame. The lyrics detail her desire to put on sneakers and go out dancing with her presumably also sneaker-clad friends, and it features the line "Basically what we're gonna do is dance" 18 times in three minutes (yeah, I counted). It's called "Sneakernight." And I admit I love it. No, I'm not kidding. I dare you to listen to it and not feel like dancing. Basically.

My Grandma

It's been a bad year for us in terms of grandparents.

My paternal grandfather passed away in September. Ryan's last remaining grandparent, his maternal grandmother Grandma Wanda, passed away in April. And my maternal grandmother Marge passed away last week, having made it two weeks past her 90th birthday. Grandma Wanda was also 90 when she died.

I have been fortunate to have had a tremendous amount of time with my grandparents. I still had all four of them till just before my college graduation. The four of them are all distinct personalities in mind. My maternal grandfather, Don, who passed away in 1992, was the sweetest man I have ever known, and he always made me feel special and adored, even the time I pulled his dentures out of his pocket when I was sitting on his lap after dinner one night. My paternal grandfather, Ed, was more gruff and distant, but I have fond memories of the running joke we had about whether or not he liked peanut butter cookies when I was a little girl, and I came appreciate his terrific sense of humor as I grew up. My paternal grandmother, Shirley, or as we call her, Nanny, who is now the only grandparent I have left, has been a bundle of quilt-making, sweets-offering, bulk-cooking energy for my entire life. Last week she had a stroke and injured herself in a couple of falls, as if another bit of evidence that old age is cruel was needed.

My Grandma Marge is the grandparent I've known probably the best. I've spent the most time with her, and her decline in the last several years of her life is the one I have been closest witness to. She always thanked me for coming to see her when I went to visit her, and my parents usually did too, as though it was a favor I was doing for all of them. I never saw it that way. This was, after all, the woman who never once forgot my birthday, who not only bought me Christmas presents but wanted to make sure I had exactly what I wanted waiting under the tree for me every year, who liked to take care of me when I was a little girl and who was just as happy to see me once I was an adult. She never let me pay for lunch, even in the last year when she could barely sign the credit card slip.

Despite what must sound like a materialistic nature to our relationship, she wasn't just some old lady who bought me stuff. It wasn't the stuff so much as the fact that she wanted to give it to me. Knowing that she wanted the best for me made it even more painful to watch her decline into a state where every day was a struggle.

Rest in peace, Grandma. I love you.

Cooler

Sorry that last post was weird. It wasn't finished -- I had to leave the computer in the middle of it, and when I came back later, the window wasn't up anymore, so I forgot about it, then remembered and assumed it had gotten lost and was no longer moved to post. Then in an email my mom mentioned that she'd read on my blog that we were sick, and I thought "oh, holy crap, that posted? It probably ended really abruptly and felt unfinished." And I don't even remember if I ever went and looked at it. Perhaps it just seemed like I was still a little addle-braine from the illness.

In any case, at that time it was really hot, and then that misery evolved into what has been an absolutely lovely couple of weeks. Yes, there was wind, but what does that matter when you get to sit here?

I mean seriously. Between that, riding my bike a lot, and doing yard work, I may have spent more time outside in the last couple of weeks than I had in the whole last year combined.

It turns out that nasty, horrible hot spell we had a few weeks ago pretty much stopped our spring allergy season dead in its tracks. I have had a few sneezes here and there, but for the most part, nothing. Compared to a year ago, when our house was on the market and I couldn't be outside for more than 10 minutes without suffering for hours afterward, the second half of this May has been a stroll through a very temperate, pollen-free park.

HOT

Let me share with you the lovely events of the past week...

On Mother's Day, Ryan said he didn't feel that great and that he thought he'd been drinking too much, so he wasn't going to do any of that that day. I said I was sure I had also been drinking too much, but it was Mother's Day, so screw sobriety for at least another 24 hours. We went to my sister-in-law's parents house and had a great day with their family and ours, culminating with everyone sitting down to watch the finale of Survivor. We stayed for a lot of it, too, though once Cirie got eliminated, I packed up the family and we left -- I didn't care which of those skinny brown-haired bikini girls won. By the time we got home, I had a terrible headache, which I still had the next morning.

Ryan, though, was worse off -- his off-feeling of the day before had now developed into a full-blown gastrointestinal nastiness. He spent most of the day sleeping and I brought him Gatorade. I got rid of my headache but still didn't feel too great, and suspected I had a touch of whatever he had. He never did actually barf, but I figured when it hit me full-force, I would definitely end up with my head over the toilet. Because barfing is what I do.

Finally!

This is old news now, but I never got around to posting about it when I got the okay to announce to the general public: I am finally going to have a niece or a nephew! My big little brother Chad and his lovely wife Angela are expecting a little one around October 1st. We are very excited, since we have been waiting to be an aunt, an uncle and two cousins for a long time, and that same month will mark ten years since we have had a new baby in the family (of course he will always be my baby!). And I can't wait to see my BLB as a dad :-)

We will have to wait till the delivery to find out if it's a he or a she -- the ultrasound was Friday, and even if Chad and Angela had changed their minds about leaving it to be a surprise, the baby was too wiggly for a determination to be made!

Spring is here...

so of course I am miserable. It's so hard -- the weather outside is beautiful, so what I want to do is go out and work in the yard, walk the dog, go for a run, or ride my bike. But I know if I do, I will pay for the rest of the day -- sneezing my head off, blowing my nose constantly, and just generally feeling fatigued. I try to keep reminding myself that at least we aren't in the process of buying and selling houses this year, and the sneezing is better than that one year I got exzema all over my legs -- that was brutal...



Of course the activities are ramping up as the school year is coming to an end -- this coming week I will begin collecting books for the used book fair at our end-of-the-year carnival, and we have Will's 3rd grade concert in a few weeks. It's not a great time to be losing energy. But thats life in Davis...

There have been about a zillion fundraising events for the Davis Schools Foundation lately. Friday night we went to a wine-tasting benefit at a local winery, and Saturday was Schoolapalooza in downtown Davis, where local businesses were donating part of their profits and there was entertainment, raffles and giveaways. Ryan worked at the DSF booth for most of the afternoon, and he said so many people stopped by to write checks and get their free bag of Annie's Organics stuff (Annie's donated 200 cases of stuff to give away), and I was there just hanging out and doing some shopping. It was a lot of fun and everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves. This budget crisis is a terrible thing for our schools, but the efforts to make up the deficit are a great thing for our community, and a great example to our kids. It's pretty cool!

New Feature: RGKS

As I have tried many times before, I'm going to try to start posting here more, and so, in a burst of optimism, I'm going to start what I hope will be the first of some but not too many Random Gratuitous Kid Stories. The idea is that if I think "oh, I should post on my blog" and can't think of anything to write about, I can pull one of these gems out of my head and churn it out quickly. We'll see how that works.

Also, from here on out, I'm dropping the cutesy pseudonyms for the people I write about. It's just getting old.

Anyway, here's an old favorite about a couple of notes Rachel wrote when she was 7 and 8 years old. As I mention in this space from time to time, life with high functioning autism can be all kinds of awesome, and these notes illustrate that point.

Note #1: Toward the end of the school year when Rachel was in first grade, the full-inclusion (ie special ed) teacher at her school was very pregnant and would be having her baby over the summer. Rachel had never been able to wrap her mind around the idea that you could have a baby in there and not know if it was a girl or a boy. (I think this kind of uncertainty still puzzles, her, actually. Every Tuesday when we are watching "American Idol," she asks me who's going to get eliminated, and I have explain once again that it's not decided until after the show). So on the last day of school, when they made cards for the pregnant teacher, Rachel wrote one that said:

Dear Katie,
Have a happy baby. It's a boy and his name is Tim.
From Rachel

(The baby turned out to be a girl.)

Note #2: We went to Hawaii the spring Rachel was in second grade. Her school aide, Mrs. Sharp, reminded Rachel several times that she wanted Rachel to send her a postcard. The last day we were there, I made her sit down and write the postcard, and this is what she wrote:

Dear Mrs. Sharp,
I'll be back Monday.
From Rachel

I made her write in "PS - I'm having fun" or something like that, but at least I knew Mrs. Sharp would get a kick out of it.

I'm Going To Recommend Some Stuff

There's a lot of stuff I've been noticeably liking lately, so I'm going to recommend it:

List of the Day is a great website I check first thing (and several times thereafter) each day -- not just lists, but also a Mugshot of the Day, any funny videos or videos he comes across, etc. If you saw the collection of funny Olan Mills portraits with comments that circulated a few months ago -- this is the guy who put that together. If you don't have time to look at lots of sites all the time, you can look at this one every day and keep up with most of the goofy stuff that's getting a lot of attention online.

The Davis Schools Foundation: Yes, I know everyone has budget problems right now, but our school district is facing budget cuts of $4 million next year, which means losing teachers and programs. The DSF is hoping to make up a lot of that with fundraising and the community is really pulling together for it. Please think about making a contribution if you can, for the good of Davis school children, or else find out how you can help ease the budget crisis for your local California school district.

Audible is where I like to buy audio books. Not everyone has time to listen to books rather than read them, but if you spend a lot of time in the car or doing boring things around the house, believe me, it's more interesting with an audio book on your iPod. I have the plan where you pay $14.95 a month and get one credit -- most of the books on the site cost one credit and $14.95 is much less than the price listed on the site, so you are rewarded for your loyalty.

Donna Ricco: I'm not big into fashion, but I've been shopping for a dress for my upcoming 20-year high school reunion and kept coming across Donna Ricco dresses that I loved. I ordered one from Nordstrom and it's perfect -- I can't wait to wear it! I love the colors, the flowy fabrics, and the body-skimming designs.

Tech For Less: People who know me know I am both addicted to technology and extremely accident-prone when it comes to taking care of my technological devices. Fortunately for me, there's Tech For Less, where you can get a bargain on "open box" items. I have bought a laptop, a wireless router, a desktop computer and several iPods from them, all below retail. One item had a problem but they were happy to take it back, and their customer service is excellent. Check them out next time you need some component and can't face Best Buy or Fry's again.

"Mad Men" and "Friday Night Lights" -- I recently watched the first seasons of both these shows, the former on iTunes and the latter on DVD, and they are both excellent as portraits of a particular time and place. "Mad Men" is about an advertising firm on Madison Avenue in 1960, and it's amazing to see all the ways society has changed in 50 years. "Friday Night Lights" is about a high school football-crazy town in Texas, and I can't imagine what it would be like to live there. But I would go to a high school football game every Friday night too if it meant I got to see Kyle Chandler presiding over things. I can actually think of many things these two shows have in common (besides being excellent) and I may write another blog post on the subject, but I definitely give both a thumbs up and you should check them out.

"Lost" -- It's been fantastic this year, and it's back with the remaining 5 episodes of the season this week. If you haven't ever watched it, start from the beginning, don't worry about catching every detail in Season 2 and the first half of Season 3, and enjoy it when things really get going after that. I can't wait to see how they wrap it up over the next two seasons.

And of course: "The Office" Best show on TV, and it's finally back with its last few post-strike episodes -- I think there are three left. Even in this strike-shortened season, it's been top-notch.

I guess that's it for now....

I Am President

No, seriously.

I'm president of the PTA at our elementary school. Next year. Well, one of two -- I'm co-president.

I could say "oh, I don't know how this happened," and "they asked and I just couldn't say no," but I do, and I could have. The fact is that someone came up with this idea during one of the most stressful weeks of this school year for me, the week of the spring book fair, which followed right on the heels of the school auction, in which I'd played an active role, and even though my first thought was "hell no!," my second thought was "Me? They want me? They think I'd be a good president?" It was like I was transported straight back to high school and had won a big old popularity contest. In fact, no one else wanted the job, and while I was told I had a month to think about it before I committed, as the days ticked by and I didn't say no, never mind, forget it, it pretty much became official. And now I'm stuck.

I don't know if I'm going to like it or not. Like every district in California, we are facing big budget cuts due to the state budget crisis, and starting next week, we have to start hammering out the PTA budget for next year. Probably some people will complain about stuff, but I guess I can handle that. My co-president is someone who knows me well and I think we'll work well together. In any case, I don't see myself going, you know, mad with power or anything. And the flattery part probably won't last very long. I just hope I'm not cursing my decision to do this by the time school starts in the fall...

Random Crap

- This week we had a meeting with Mr. Seventh Teacher, where he couldn't have been nicer and more helpful. And it wasn't even tense, even though the day after I called the Slap Squad out on him, Mermaid evidently announced right there in his class, "I hate social studies and my mom hates Mr. (Seventh Teacher)!" So I am officially calling off the Slap Squad, but I reserve the right to re-engage their services if things don't actually improve in social studies this coming semester.

- Heath Ledger -- wow. I just looked up his IMDB filmography to confirm what I was already thinking, which was that yes, I've actually only seen one of his movies. But it was a doozy. "Brokeback Mountain" is one of the best dramas I have ever seen, and he was great in in. It's very sad he died so young. RIP, Heath.

- The Academy Award Nominations -- I was glad to see "Juno" get so much love, but sad to see the equally quirky/good "Waitress" be totally ignored. I guess timing is everything when it comes to the Oscars.

- I am inching toward having a draft of my Nano novel ready for my circle of readers. There is one section that needed a major rewrite and I am letting it intimidate the hell out of me -- no idea why. Hopefully I can get over it and finish today.

- I feel a little dirty about this so I'll just admit it here and then try to live with myself: I bought the new Tom Cruise biography in audio form to listen to on my iPod. I was shopping around for something to listen to, and there it was, and I just couldn't help myself. According to Amazon, the thing is selling well, so it's not like I'm the only one.

- It's been a rainy week, which made it hard for me to go down and visit my grandma, but I finally made it down there yesterday while the kids were at school. And it rained on us, which was no fun, but we had a nice time anyway. RM just told me there's supposed to be a big storm today, and I am glad I don't have to go anywhere in it.

- It's Friday -- yay!

The Slap Squad

Years ago I was part of a listserv for parents of children with conditions similar to my daughter's, and there was one particularly spirited woman on there who came up with the Slap Squad, who could be dispatched to punish whomever was getting on our nerves that day. The intended targets were usually uncooperative teachers, school administrators, insurance companies, or providers of services like speech or occupational therapy, those kinds of people, against whom some special ed parents are continuing battling. Reasonable Man and I have tried hard over the years to not be that perpetually-squeaky-wheel type of special ed parent, but everyone has their limits, and we have fought the occasional battle, and come up against the occasional foe who could use a visit from the Slap Squad.

This is our daughter's first year in junior high, and hence her first year with multiple teachers. In the past seven years, we have been lucky enough to have seven teachers who really wanted the best for our Mermaid, and this, her first year in junior high, we have been lucky enough to have six teachers who want the best for her. This is great, except for the fact that Mermaid has seven classes, and the seventh teacher is such a complete and total tool that he a) he seems to attribute the trouble Mermaid has in his class to her having an attitude problem, b)he manages to get RM and me all aggravated and riled up on almost a weekly basis, b) Mermaid starts crying pretty much anytime the subject of his class comes up. Clearly this is not cool. I could describe his latest offense for you, but why? It's just more of the same we have been suffering for the past several months. I am actually beyond the point of finding comfort in picturing him dealing with the karmic ramifications of picking on an autistic student. And for that, Mr. Seventh Teacher, you have earned yourself a visit from the Slap Squad. Not that I expect it to do you any good, but I will enjoy imagining it happening anyway.

And as long as they're out there doing my bidding, I decided I might as well come up with a list of others who have incurred my wrath and need a good smacking-for-hire:

People who don't drink coffee, or don't watch TV, or don't read Harry Potter books, and are kind of self-righteous about it (not to be confused with people who don't do one or all of those things and manage to say so without making you want to kick their pompous asses about it);

Dr. Phil, for constantly telling people "I always say don't substitute my judgement for your own" when that is basically what he does on every damn show, and what would be the point if he didn't;

The people in Hollywood who are now complaining about the writers' strike, not because the writers have been getting screwed over for years, but because the Oscars might get cancelled;

Sociopaths who appear on reality TV and are arrogant enough to think no one will notice there is something seriously wrong with them;

George W. Bush and everyone in his administration who has not yet resigned in disgust;

Everyone who has made the current presidential election seem like it's already been going on for two years when there are still ten months to go.

So that's it. Let me know if there's anyone I need to add to the list!

Woo Hoo!

Today, I finished NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, which technically was in November. I did not "win" NaNoWriMo this year because I did not write 5,000 words within the month of November. I wrote about 43,000 words in November, minus the ~6,400 words of that document I wrote over the summer. In any case, I feel like I completed the thing, even though it's January, because as of today my novel:
a) is over 50,000 words, and
b) has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

It doesn't matter that it's a wreck, and I might literally die of embarrassment if another human being actually read it in its current condition. In fact, its being in that condition is practically a requirement of a just-completed NaNoWriMo project. I plan to spend the next few weeks whipping it into shape worthy of the readers who eagerly await its arrival into the world.

Just thought I'd mention it!

Another Title Change

I don't know why I didn't think of it before. It's so simple.