Enough Already!

I never thought I'd be in this position, but I'm going to defend Britney Spears. I have to. This is getting ridiculous.

Yes, all the evidence points to her being an idiot. Her taste in men is obviously crappy. Her music has always been pretty sorry, and the bits of her horrible reality show that I saw convinced me that there is some essential character development that doesn't happen when you spend your late teens and early twenties surrounded by sychophants instead of working at low-paying jobs, living in crappy apartments and maybe struggling through school or something.
But I also think she's getting a raw deal in the current media obsession with her parenting skills. Okay -- driving with the baby in her lap? Terrible idea. I'm definitely not giving her a pass on that one, and I'm not buying that crap about her having race away from the vicious paparazzi.
But then -- okay, poor Sean apparently hit his head when something went wrong with high chair and he fell. He was with the nanny at the time. Well, guess what? Stuff like that happens. One time when Reasonable Man and I were right there, we were getting Mermaid out of her high chair and I still don't know what happened, but the tray was off and she fell forward and hit her forehead on the kitchen table. It was awful, and of course we felt terrible.

Last week, Britney and Sean were photographed riding down the road in a convertible. Britney was driving, and the baby was slumped over asleep in his carseat in the backseat of the car. Andhis carseat was facing forward. One article said it appeared he didn't have straps over his shoulders, and another said that he obviously wasn't fastened in properly. Well, maybe so, but unfortunately, babies slump over in their carseats like that sometimes. And yeah, they recommend that you keep the kid facing backward till they're a year old, but I'll go ahead an admit right now that I turned both my kids forward before that myself. Neither of them liked being in the backseat facing backward and not being able to see me, and often that lead to a lot of crying that I decided was not worth it. Sometimes you make that kind of a decision as a parent, you know?

And the latest is -- *gasp!* -- Britney was holding the baby in one arm and had a glass in her other hand, and she tripped. She freaking tripped, people. Yeah, clearly that makes her an unfit mother. I mean, I don't know about you, but I've never tripped since I became a mother...
Oh, except that one time when I did. And I actually did drop my baby. I was carrying her up to our third-floor apartment and caught my toe a few steps from the top. I had to make a quick decision -- drop Mermaid on her back on the landing in front of me so I could catch myself, or fall on top of her. I chose dropping her -- it was only a few inches, and fortunately there was some of that nubby industrial carpet that they have in store and restaurants and stuff to soften her fall a little bit. She started howling and I felt horrible, but she was fine.

Mermaid also fell off the couch when she was a baby. And one time I accidently dropped the cordless phone and it hit her in the head. We all want to protect our kids from those kinds of things, but there's only so much you can do. We all get a bad bonk once in a while.

Maybe Britney gets all the media attention she does because her behavior has been questionable in the past, but I was a young first-time mom too, and I'm just grateful I didn't have the paparazzi following me around and watching me screw up back then. If this keeps up, what's next? Is there going to be an article every time Britney takes her baby out in the sun without a hat? A few years down the road, are we going to hear about every time he fights with his little sister, goes out to play without a jacket, or gets less than 100% on a spelling test?

Maybe I'm a hypocrite that it doesn't bother me if the press beats up on Britney about KFed or her dubious fashion choices, but all this bashing of her parenting skills just doesn't sit well with me. Raise your hand if your parenting could stand up to the constant media scrutiny hers gets?

Yeah, I know:

It's been a while.

Life has been pretty eventful lately. In the good news column, last night was our school carnival, featuring (for me anyway) the used book sale. That means there is no longer an ocean of brown paper grocery bags full of books in my living room. It also means I no longer have to look at the pile of papers sitting on my coffee table (aka my desk) and guiltily think about what I should be doing to prepare for the used book sale. It all came together in the end. The bad news was, it poured rain on the carnival. The good news was, the used book sale was under shelter. The bad news was, the books kept getting wet anyway. We had to keep running around wiping them off with paper towels. The good news is, people bought them anyway. Only maybe a third of the books I unloaded from my minivan at the beginning of the afternoon went back into it at the end of the evening. Also, my lack of volunteers turned out to not be a problem. One lady who showed up to work her shift from 5:45-6:30, and both she and her husband hung around till closing. Her husband wasn't even signed up to work, and he both went around yelling that all books were ten cents a piece during the last half hour we were open AND helped up pack up at the end. I love that guy.

After the carnival was the talent show. A whole crowd of people was huddled in the sheltered spot outside the MPR where the show was going to be just to get out of the rain for quite a while before they unlocked the doors and went in. It was a pretty soggy crowd in there, and we nevered did get a seat, but we watched the whole thing. Mermaid's performance of "When I'm 64" went off without a hitch. She kinda stood there looking away from the audience without smiling the whole time, but she sang it nice and loud, and the lyrics only got away from her once. She was really pleased with herself and we were proud of her. And when the talent show was done, we were able to grab both kids and make a quick break for it, due to the fact that our minivan was still parked right outside the MPR, right by the sheltered lunch tables where the used book fair had taken place.

Priorities when I got home were: change into sweats, pour a glass of wine, and count the money from the book sale. We made $181 -- woo hoo! I feel it was pretty successful, which is good since I've already been informed I'll be running it again next year by the person who volunteered me to do it this year without my permission. That's what I get for being good friends with the PTA VP of Events.

In other news, it's been a rough week for my grandma. Come to think of it, it's been a rough month for her. A rough year, even. She's been in a nursing home since early April, and I've been going to see her every week, which has been kind of nice. I've enjoyed spending time with her, and bringing her stuff to eat (she doesn't love the food at the nursing home), and having me visit seems to give her a boost.

Unfortunately, after my parents went on vacation for two weeks, Grandma ran into some health problems and got sent to the hospital twice -- once with a blood clot in her leg a week ago Wednesday, and then again this past Tuesday night with congestive heart failure, which has been a problem she's had pretty regularly over the last few years. The first time she went in, the nursing home called my parents' home number, left a message, and didn't bother to call any of the zillion other numbers on the list. So none of us even knew she was at the hospital having surgery until two days later, when my aunt and uncle came down from where they live in the mountains to visit her and found her bed at the nursing home empty.

Grandma came through that okay, but started having problems breathing almost as soon as they sent her back to the nursing home Monday night, and she was back in the ER 24 hours later. By this time, my aunt and uncle had had to return to the mountains. The hospital assured my aunt that Grandma was comfortable, but because the hospital was crowded, she was in the hallway of the ER. Big Little Brother, who lives just a couple of miles away from the hospital, went over to see her, and called and told me I should come down, so I did. It was awful to see poor Grandma, lying there in the hospital. She wasn't hardly moving at all, and when I went to talk to her, she told me "I just want this to be over." I stayed there with her in the ER, and fortunately they had a room ready for her about an hour after I got there. On the way up, she said they weren't supposed to be taking her upstairs because "I didn't want to go." Even though she did seem to understand that they couldn't just leave her in the ER hallway indefinitely, she continued to insist that she'd been told she wouldn't be moved once she got to the hospital.

I stayed with her for the rest of the afternoon, went to BLB's for a few hours for dinner and such, and then returned to the hospital to spend a couple of hours with her. The next morning I was back again, and I stayed all day. My aunt and uncle were on their way back down from the mountains, and my parents were flying back from Hawaii a few days early. In the meantime, Grandma was actually getting a little better, much to her dismay. She wasn't eating or taking her medication, and I think she thought that would just finish her off. I was supposed to leave around one, but once the doctor came in and told her she was actually improving, I decided to hang around. Poor Grandma just didn't know what to do, and it was pretty hard to know what to tell her, but I'm glad I was there with her. Once my aunt, uncle, parents and BLB arrived, it was decided Grandma would go back to the nursing home the next day and stay there -- no more going to the hospital. In the meantime, she felt like eating, and went ahead took her meds again. She was pretty tired by then, so we left to let her get some rest and went out to dinner.

I'm really proud of my family. Everyone appreciates what everyone else is doing, and there's no complaining that this person should be doing more or anything like that. Everyone was glad my parents were able to go on their long-planned trip to Hawaii, and they didn't mind coming home a few days early. Reasonable Man didn't mind holding down the fort up here in Davis while I was there with Grandma for almost two days. BLB didn't mind running around, getting Grandma settled in nursing home on Monday night and everything else that followed. And I'm so glad I was able to go down and be with her on Wednesday and Thursday, even though she kept encouraging me to go home. I know she was glad I was there, and I was glad I could be a comfort to her and that she didn't have to be alone. I don't know what the next few weeks will bring, but I'm awfully glad to have my school stuff over with so I can concentrate on more important things and be available for my family as needed.

Spring Has Sprung...

... and it's kicking my butt. If I spend more than a few minutes outside this past week, I sneeze for an hour. Running is out. So is yardwork. I actually don't really like going out to the mailbox all that much, truth be told.

Just one more reason to be looking forward to summer...

Jump Around!

Rewind several weeks back to spring break, when we were spending a morning at the home of my friend Crazy Karin. Moms and kids had finished dyeing Easter eggs and were scattered in various places around the house, and I asked Crazy Karin if she knew where Mermaid was (I knew where Enthusio was: at the computer. He is obsessed with video games and will choose playing them above all else most of the time, even if he's in a girl house where most of the games available involve kitties or ponies or something). CK said "she's out there having a merry old time on the trampoline." And indeed she was. I had witnessed Mermaid on that trampoline many times with other kids, but it was the first time I'd ever seen her on it alone, and "bliss" does not adequately decide the expression on her face.

"I don't know why you guys don't have a trampoline," CK said.

"Neither do I," I replied.

And so, less than a week later, this suddenly glaring lack of a trampoline in our lives was rectified. I did some research online, chose a safe model, ordered it, and returned from a busy morning one Wednesday to find three enormous boxes'o'trampoline (and safety net) waiting for me on the front porch. Being me, I almost immediately set to work assembling the contraption, and about 7 hours later, I had this to show for my efforts:



Also, this:


And so our bouncy adventure began.

Pluses:

The kids are getting lots of exercise. That first evening, when they came in for dinner all red-faced and sweaty, I knew this was going to be a good development. It would be fair to say that our whole family struggles a bit with our weight, and what with all the media hoopla about how we are raising a generation of fat kids, etc., I am happy to add another activity that is actually, you know, active to their life.

Tons kids have passed through our backyard since the trampoline came into our lives. I really like having a yard full of happy kids. A week or two ago, I was coming back from a run and because of the open space next to our house, as I came up the street was was treated to the sight of 5 kids bouncing into view above our back fence -- how fun is that? Jumping on the trampoline is an activity that keeps Mermaid engaged with other kids a lot longer than a lot of other things, so that's great.

Several times we've had dinner with friends and then brought everyone back to the house so the kids could jump and the parents could just sit and hang out for a while. So the tramp has added a new dimension to our social life, and that's always a good thing.

Minuses:

This isn't completely a minus, because it only bothers me a bit and the kids not at all, but 2 or 3 kids on our street who previously had zero interest in playing with Mermaid and Enthusio are now knocking on the door to play with them just about every day. One of them is at least diplomatic enough to ask Mermaid to come out and do things other than jump on the trampoline once in a while, but generally they end up in our backyard. It's really not a huge deal, just a little irritating.

Enthusio seems to end having a lot of meltdowns when the tramp is full of kids, depending on his mental state, how tired he is, etc. When a group of kids gets together out there, they always seem to want to come up with games where if you do this or that or whatever, you're "out," and that situation is always rife with peril for Enthusio -- at this point in time, he absolutely cannot handle finding himself on the losing end of anything, and between his lack of confidence in his physical abilities and his current belief that EVERYTHING is unfair, it just turns into a mess over and over. Reasonable Man and I disagree on how to handle this: he says we should just ban those kinds of games for right now, and I can see the wisdom of that (it's our trampoline and Enthusio should be able to feel safe and happy when he plays on it), but I'm also wary of removing every obstacle from his path and communicating to him that a) we don't believe he can learn to handle things better and/or b) all he has to do is cry a few times and we will make sure he gets his way. I am constantly torn between wanting to let him have his emotions without making him feel he is wrong to feel the way he does, and wanting him to learn to control them already. As always, it's a tough one.

Celebrity New Items

I don't care if Katie Holmes had a silent birth or not. I don't care who dropped Britney Spears' son on his head (the child would obviously have a better shot at living a normal life if he was being raised by chimps regardless of whether Brit or K-Fed was there when it happened, so whatever). I don't care what continent Brangelina's baby is born on or what he or she looks like. And I don't really care about that whole Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards/Richie Sambora/Heather
Locklear mess going on. I really don't.

But I am DYING to know why Keith Richards was in a palm tree, out of which he fell and got a concussion. Seriously. They can't keep that kind of info from us indefinitely, can they? I mean it -- the public has a right to know. Color me waiting with bated breath (baited breath? Whatever.) Inquiring minds want to know!

Life Gets In The Way

I am constantly writing blog posts in my head as I exercise, drive places, dry my hair or do any of the 487 other things that take up my time besides being at the computer. You know when I don't think much about writing in my blog? When I'm actually sitting at my computer, reading email or checking my list of sites I look at every day, which gets a little longer all the time, and I let myself believe that I must go through the whole thing before I do anything actually productive online. Answering email usually comes first, though that's always piling up as well, and then it's usually time to go to the gym, pick up the kids, help with homework, take a shower, something -- and then I don't write in my blog, or do any of the other things I need to do, which lately include:

- Querying the two agents out of my first list of ten who don't accept email queries
- Looking at the email I got a year ago from the woman who ran the used book sale at our upcoming school event, which is now my responsibility, and making sure I'm doing everything I need to do to get the word out that we are collecting used books, not to mention contacting the list of volunteers I'm going to need to help me actually run the thing, which is now less than 3 weeks away
- Working on the novel I started almost two years ago, which is good and which I think about and which I really really really want to work on but somehow never make the time to actually
do so

But let's face it: life has gotten complicated. Just this past week, for instance -- Enthusio is back in school, but he's been home every morning till 10:15 or so because I excused him from STAR testing because one of the practice tests freaked him out, and his teacher and the principal and I all agreed that it wasn't worth jeopardizing an already fragile situation to have him take it. It doesn't seem like that big a deal to just have him with me for that long -- we get Mermaid off to school, go to the gym, get some coffee, and then I drop him at school either before or after I go home to shower -- but you know, somehow taking a 7-year-old places makes it take just a little longer to get everywhere. So there's that. There are only two more days of testing, thankfully, and then that will be over.

Also, my grandmother has moved to a nursing home for the time being, and so going to see her one day a week is now top priority. I have really enjoyed both my visits to her so far, and I'm really happy to be able to go spend time with her. Also top priority is having lunch with Reasonable Man once a week, coffee with Sue, and anything else social. So between obligations (school stuff, getting kids from one place to another and getting their homework done) and spending time with the important people in my life, time gets to a premium. Here's how my week looked:

Monday - gym, quick coffee, quick shower, drop Enthusio off at school, lunch and shopping with Sue and her sister, pick up kids from school, homework
Tuesday - gym, quick coffee, quick shower, drop Enthusio off at school, Target, lunch with Reasonable Man, Trader Joe's, go home to put away groceries, pick up kids, drop Enthusio at Campfire meeting, get Mermaid a haircut, drop her at home, go hang out for the remainder of Campfire meeting, go home and help Mermaid with homework
Wednesday: appointment with personal trainer, drop Enthusio off at school, run errands, come back to school to work in classroom only to discover they don't need me, go home, shower, clean up kitchen/house, kids get home at 1:30, homework, take Enthusio to social skills group and do homework with Mermaid while he's there, go home
Thursday: gym, coffee, take Enthusio to school, drive to Walnut Creek, stop at store to pick up lunch, spend an hour having lunch and chatting with Grandma, drive back to Davis, pick up Enthusio from school and take him to therapy, read therapist's parenting book while I'm waiting for him, go home, do homework with Mermaid, Reasonable Man gets home and we go out for dinner where we have terrible service so we're there over and hour, go to my friend's office opening for an hour and get home after 8 pm
Friday: skip going to the gym, do homework w/ Enthusio, drop him off at school, go grocery shopping, make pasta dish for gathering I'm going to that night and cookies for girl scout meeting after school, clean house, shower, run errands, pick up Enthusio from school, get snack ready for girl scout meeting, host girl scout meeting from 3:15-5:30, take 5 minutes for minor grooming, greet sitter, and go to friend's house for dinner

I'm not complaining. There was lots of fun stuff packed into the schedule this week, and even my "stressful" stuff is not exactly the stuff of which nightmares are made. And not all my weeks look like this, but the school-related activities sort of naturally ratchet up this time of year, so at this point I'm just looking forward to getting it all done and surviving till the end of the school year. Maybe I'll blog more then!

Enthusio Update

He went back to school yesterday, and had great day, according to both he himself and his teacher. I'm having her call me to let me know how it goes each day this week. He did melt down a couple of times yesterday afternoon, and I didn't have high hopes of him having another great day at school today, just because of how things started out. First, he argued with me and then cried because I made him turn off the TV and take a shower before school this morning. Then he acted really put out about a couple of other things before I took them to school. It's never a good thing when we have tears 3 times before he even goes to school!

On the other hand -- I'm beginning to think things are not as bad as we thought with him. Reasonable Man, Enthusio's therapist and I have all talked about his extreme sense of injustice, and his therapist hypothesized that this is because he has developed an expectation that things will never go his way due to low self esteem. But this past week, after hearing from a good friend that her 7-year-old daughter is also going through a major "life is so unfair" phase and that she read in a book about 7-year-olds that this is a common thing for them to go through, I've been asking around a bit, and guess what? Sounds like a lot of them go through this. I know that the constant falling apart and the complete inability to deal with any frustration whatsoever is still not a normal or healthy thing for him, but it's awfully good to hear his belief that everyone else in the world gets to do things he doesn't get to do, etc, etc, is probably a phase and not a sign that his sense of self worth is a lost cause.

Rain, Rain, Rain

I'd love to know the number of Californians who have written whiny posts about the rain in their blogs over the past few weeks. In case you haven't heard -- we've had an absolutely unreal amount of rain over the past two months or so, and now here it is mid-April, and we're still waiting for spring. Poor us, huh? Those of you who live in parts of the country where rain is a regular part of the summer, sub-zero temperatures are regular part of the winter, and wearing shorts and sandals for most of October every year must be really dripping with sympathy for us, huh?

I don't usually mind the rain too much, but I would have appreciated this particular patch of wet weather not coinciding with my first (and hopefully only) experience of "homeschooling" immediately followed by spring break. It was very inconvenient to have to try to remember which days it was raining and therefore Enthusio couldn't have ridden his bike for at least 20 minutes in order to count it as PE as I fudge on his Independent Study Log, which I have to turn in next week. There was also that whole issue of being trapped in the house a lot. Not great. I could have been better about things, God knows -- there are plenty of museums and such around here I could have taken him to. Unfortunately, rainy weather just makes me want to hold up in the house and lie on the couch. It does not inspire me to take my son out and enlighten him in a cultural way.

All the rain reminded me of this story I read in my 5th or 6th grade reader. It was about a human colony on Venus, where it rained all the time except for one hour every 7 years, and there was this girl at school who everyone hated because she'd lived on earth and was probably moving back to earth eventually, so they were jealous that she could remember what the sun was like. On the day the rain was supposed to stop, there's some kind of altercation and her classmates lock her in a closet, and they end up forgetting about her while the sun comes out and she misses the whole thing. I remembered the basic plot points of the story and also the poem that the girl wrote: "I think the sun is a flower/ that blooms for just one hour" -- so I Googled it and found the story online. It turns out that it's called All Summer In a Day
and it was written by Ray Bradbury. I was kind of surprised at how much of it I remembered and that it would stick with me for so long -- I had also remembered that the girl's name was Margot, and I guess that I identified with her -- she was sensitive, and poem indicated that she was a good writer. Reading it again after all these years, I was particularly struck by the bullying aspect of it, since that's a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately.

Thursday was such a fake-out, because not only did it not rain -- it was 75 or 80 degrees out, and the sun was shining and it was just the kind of gorgeous spring day we should be having regularly. And we all knew that it was supposed to turn around and rain again the next day, so it felt particularly cruel, but we took advantage of it and spent the afternoon at the park. Yesterday actually was fairly dry -- the skies were gray, and the rain came down a few times, but for the most part it was pretty nice out. We spent the morning in our friends' backyard, and when it started sprinkling, the kids just kept jumping on the trampoline and the moms just kept sitting there on the porch chatting. Today is a little colder, a little grayer, but it's still not actually raining, and I am just hoping it stays fairly dry out so we can enjoy the Easter egg hunt at the park our friends are having at noon. Maybe we're adapting to this rain thing -- I guess that's what you do. The good news is, starting Monday, the forecast is for sun. Hopefully it's the beginning of something and not just another sample of what we've been missing so far this April.

Moving Right Along

Well, I did it. I just sent out my first agent query! You know, in the past, this process must have been SUCH a pain in the ass. If I was only using the book of agent listings I've had sitting on my shelf for a while, I would have much less idea about each of the agents I'm querying, but compliments of the internet, I've been able to find out more info about most of them. A few of them actually have blogs :-) and a lot of them accept queries via email, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, I have a list of 10 agents who sound good, and I've written my query letter and fiddled with it and I'm hoping it's good. I guess we'll find out when these agents start replying, either saying no thank you or asking to see sample chapters of my work.

In addition, I've put my work a little more out there for feedback this past week. I sent all three novels to my mom, asked a girl who babysits for us to read them (I thought it might be nice to get some feedback from an actual young adult) and I've now heard some positive things about the third, most recently-written novel The Princess of Whatever from two of the people I gave it to. Sure, I'm married to one of them, but he is usually willing to be fairly honest in his assessment of my work, and I don't think he would have led with "I think this is best thing you've ever written" if he iffy about it. He reads a lot and knows all my work, and so this is high praise in my book. Good feedback on this particular novel feels really good since it was, in some ways, SO difficult to write. Reasonable Man says that I got the tone right, which is good to hear.

Getting back to passing the manuscripts on to my mom. She had to ask me for them, and I've been thinking about why that would be. I am tremendously proud of them, and she always wants to read my stuff, so why wouldn't I be passing them along to her as I've written them? Well, there is the fact that she's my mom, and my novels are full of teenagers doing things that parents don't want their teenagers doing, and maybe there is still a little of that whole "she's my mom and I don't want her thinking I do that stuff," which is obviously pretty silly, considering I'm 35 years old and in less than two years, I will be the mother of a teenager myself.

But there's a more general issue as well, and here it is: if a grown-up asks me if they can read some of my writing, I usually want to give them this other novel I wrote called Claim to Fame. It's about people in their early 20s, but at least the target audience is adults. That's great, but the fact is, what I want to do long-term is write for teens. I'm not embarrassed to tell people that, but it would seem I'm a bit squeamish about showing people my work in that area, and if the dream I'm currently (and finally actively) pursuing comes true, these things are going to be out in the world where anyone, not just the people I pick and choose, can read them. So I'm thinking it may be time to try and develop -- hm, a thicker skin is not the right term -- let's say a little more confidence about what I do. I write books for young adults -- they aren't genre romances, but they do focus on romantic relationships, and my target audience is teen-age girls. And not that I've gone around apologizing for them, but I do think I've found myself trying to explain what the heck I'm doing writing for and about teenagers, and I am hereby officially done with that. So there.

I haven't read many YA novels in a while, so I had forgotten about how the tone in them is different than the tone in a novel written for adults. It's hard to put your finger on what it is exactly, but the closest I can come to explaining it is to say, remember that thing you used to hear from your English teachers about how you should show, don't tell? Well, there's a lot of that kind of telling that goes on in YA novels, particularly if they are written in the first person. YA protagonists are always telling you how they feel and explaining crap to you. The funny thing is, this is something I was really trying to cut down on in my work because it seemed like a weakness to me, and I still don't want tons of it there, but I think what's there can still work because of the audience for whom I'm writing (I almost said "market" instead of "audience" there -- perhaps I am beginning to think of this in business terms after all!) I don't ever want to talk down to my readers, but then again, teens are not going to be analyzing the subtext...

From My Imaginary Mailbag

Tracie, I noticed some interesting titles on your list of the books you've read this year: Topping From Below, and All's Fair in Love, War & High School. The first one sounds dirty, and the second one sounds like something girls in 6th grade would love. Weren't you an English major in college? What gives?
- Curious

Curious - I'm glad you asked this question. Yes, I do have a degree in English, and you're right, these titles are kind of outside the norm for even my eclectic reading habits. But I have good reasons for having read these titles, and here they are.

Topping From Below sounds dirty because it is -- the novel is about kinky sex. I'm not a prude but I don't usually read kinky sex books. I read this one because a friend of mine gave it to me -- she knew the author and actually appears as a very minor character in the book (the main character runs into her at the grocery store), which is set in the part of Davis where we live. It wasn't a very good book, but I enjoyed all the references to streets and businesses in Davis that I know. I could have done without all the stuff about without all the stuff about dripping candle wax and nipple clamps though.

In case you're curious, the term "topping from below" is part of the domination/submissive lexicon, and refers to the sub trying to control what's going on. It is not considered a good thing in terms of dom/sub relations, as in "oh, you don't want to get involved with that guy -- he tries to top from below." And before you ask, I didn't know that before I read the book.

All's Fair in Love, War and High School is one of the books I'm reading in the name of market research. I'm looking at different young adult books that deal with relationships to see what's out there and how my own work compares. So far I haven't been overly impressed with what I've read, which makes me think I have a pretty good shot at this whole thing. All's Fair actually was kind of a cute book -- it didn't strive to be anything more than it is -- Chicklet-Lit? -- and it had some pretty funny parts, so I enjoyed reading it. The other one I've read so far, Hard Love, tried for more serious issues, and didn't fair so well in my eyes.

Next up: another YA title (RX, about a high school brain/drug dealer), and a reread of an old favorite (Tim, by Colleen McCullough, my choice for book club this month).

Goodbye and Good Riddance...

... to the month of March 2006.

Everyone in our house was sick at least once, even Mermaid, who has the immune system of a small horse. I went to the ER twice. Enthusio had to take a break from school and now he's home being taught by his less-than-qualified, less-than-patient mother. I went without my meds for three days and discovered what a bitch it will be to stop taking this particular medication at some point in the future. Reasonable Man set a record for hours billed in a month at his current firm, working on project he does not find to be the least bit enjoyable. Yesterda, my meeting at the school to discuss Enthusio's issues was transformed by my least favorite bureaucrat into a debate about whether Enthusio should repeat 2nd grade next year -- a decision that had already been made. And the icing on the cake -- my grandmother ended up in the hospital Thursday night with congestive heart failure, which has been frequent problem for her in the last few years. We visited her in the hospital yesterday, and thankfully, she is doing well and will hopefully be released today. Unfortunately, her hospitalization caused my parents to have to cancel a fun weekend at a cabin in the mountains that we had all been looking forward to. I guess I'm not too surprised -- that's just the way things have been going for us lately.

In addition to all of that, this has been the wettest March in about a zillion years, and everyone around here is SICK of the rain. I don't know how people in the Northwest put up with it.

Anyway, here's to a better April....

Where I've Been

Okay, so I know I haven't posted here in a while. I'm going to attempt to summarize the events of the last 3 or 4 weeks of my life, which have been a bit crazy. I could make this a huge long post, but I think we all know what would happen if I did that -- I'd never finish it, and then I still wouldn't have posted anything, and I'd still feel guilty posting the little bits of nothing that have been popping into my brain lately without explaining my month-long absence from the blogosphere, so I wouldn't post those either, and basically I wouldn't get back to posting here for even longer. So here is the briefest possible recap of the last four weeks of my life.

- The week of March 1, I put in about a zillion hours doing paperwork for the auction at the kids' school, which was coming up that weekend. That same week, Enthusio got sick with a bad cold and was out of school for three days.

- That weekend, I spent Saturday afternoon helping to set up the auction. That evening, we went to the auction and had a great time. It made a lot of money for the school too!

- Sunday, I went over to the school and helped set up the Scholastic Book Fair with my 4 fellow book fair chairs.

- Monday, I worked at the book fair from 2-5 pm, by the end of which it was clear that both Mermaid and I were sick. I mostly just had a cough, but she had a bad cold and stayed out of school the next two days.

- I continued putting in a lot of hours at the book fair and was exhausted all week.

- Thursday afternoon, I went to a conference with Enthusio's teacher with low expectations and didn't even have those met. I was informed that, in a nutshell, the entire month of February had been miserable. They hadn't called me a single time about any of this, but now they wanted to know what they could do to help him. I was PISSED. They'd let the situation deteriorate for an entire month without letting me know what was going on, and now they wanted to know how to fix it? Reasonable Man and I discussed it and decided we would pull him out of school and have him do independent study for the rest of the year.

- Friday morning, I kept Enthusio home. By 10 am, it was clear that I was ill, and soon I started vomiting. I couldn't keep anything down for the rest of the day, and that night at 10:30, Reasonable Man took me to the ER, where they gave me IV fluids and an injection to make me stop vomiting. We went home.

- Saturday I didn't feel better. I had a horrible headache and still couldn't stand the idea of eating anything. By 2 pm, I was vomiting again, and Reasonable Man insisted on taking me back to the ER. This time, in addition to IV fluids and anti-nausea medicine, they also gave me morphine, which didn't really help the headache that much. Nevertheless, I left the ER that evening feeling like I was finally feeling better, and I was able to eat a PB&J, drink some Gatorade, and take a couple of Tylenol that night.

- Sunday I alternately overdid it around the house with laundry, dishes, and general tidying up, and sat around on the couch, feeling completely wiped out. Monday, I drove on a field trip with Mermaid's class to the state capitol and the California History Museum, by the end of which I was completely wiped out.

- Tuesday, we met with the principal, who proposed having Enthusio do independent study for a month and then seeing if he could come back to school and function okay in the classroom. Since the teacher who is more of a problem will be out on maternity leave after that time, we agreed that it might work. We left that meeting feeling good about her being willing to work with to insure that things improve for Enthusio at school.

- Wednesday I felt strong enough to go back to the gym for a short work-out. Thursday was Enthusio's first official day of independent study. We are supposed to do 4 hours a day of school work. It became clear very quickly that he is able to sit and do his work without getting too distracted when he's someplace he feels safe and comfortable.

- Our new IKEA in West Sacramento opened in West Sacramento on March 1st. I went over and picked up a kitchen catalog, and also downloaded their kitchen design software, and spent about 10 hours designing the new kitchen I want. Monday we went over to IKEA to order it all, but it turned out to be more of a fact-finding mission, and we are now in the process of arranging things with a contractor. We're hoping to get the kitchen done this spring.

- I finished editing my Nanowrimo novel from this past fall and passed it along to a few friends and relatives to read for me. This got me excited about finally pursuing publication, and this past week, I've been doing lots of research about literary agents and working on my query letter summarizing the 3-novel series that I've now finally completed.

In short -- school events, illness, home-schooling, and obsessing about a kitchen remodel and becoming a published novelist. That's where I've been.

Newsflash

I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize that I now have a new favorite Jake Gyllenhaal movie. It used to be "Bubble Boy" and now it's "Brokeback Mountain."

We Now Return To Normally Scheduled Brain Activity

Well, thank God the Olympics are almost over. No wonder I didn't get anything done in the 90s -- skating comes on and it's all I can think about. Not good. Considering how much other crap I've had going on while 99% of my mental energy is focused on things like whether that girl had a good free leg position on her layback spin, it's kind of amazing I've continued to function at all.

Anyway, now all that stuff is over (till the World Championships next month!) and I can concentrate on important things like writing in my blog.

I want to wish a very happy birthday to the Bride, who had, like, a totally radical 80s party to celebrate last night. Normally I don't get too into the whole theme thing, but this one, as you can imagine, was right up my alley. I don't even want to tell you how much of my non-skating brain power went to working on my outfit this past week. Reasonable Man got into it as well, and we were quite pleased with ourselves when we were ready to leave:
A few notes:
1) I am not pregnant, but I'm pretty sure only pregnant women dress this way nowadays. I will confess that I totally would have worn this outfit back in the 80s.

2) Yes, those are stirrup pants. What a hideous fashion they were! I think even girls with skinny little hips must have looked dumpy in these things.

3) You can't see my jewelry very well in this picture, so I want point out that I was wearing two different dangly earrings and a big sparkly pin at the collar of my shirt.

4) Reasonable Man says he doesn't remember people wearing Converse All-Stars back in the 80s, but he grew up in the boonies, so whatever.

It was really fun to see what people came up with 80s gear at the party. My mom, as well as the Bride's mom, went for the whole workout/Olivia Newton-John "Physical"/Flashdance thing, while the Bride herself was rocking a Madonna "Like a Virgin" black mesh deal. There was lots of big hair, one really scary mullet wig, and a whole lot of spandex, blue eyeshadow, and sweatshirts with the collars cut out. A tubular time was had by all. And I'm keeping my outfit for the next time I get invited to an 80s party :-)

Also:

I was a lot more impressed with the level of skill on "Skating With Celebrities" before I watched the Olympic pairs competition last weekend.

Great, Now I'm Pissed Off About Ice Skating Again

You may not know this because I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned it in this space before, but if I was ever addicted to anything, it was figure skating from the mid 90s to the early 00s. I got addicted during the 1994 Olympics, like a lot of people did, but not because of whole big Tonya-Nancy beatdown. Yes, there were things about that whole mess that were undeniably delicious, but the reason I personally became such a skate junkie in 1994 was this guy you see here above. His name is Elvis Stojko, he won three World Championships and two Olympic silver medals, and I've had a big whopping crush on him for about 12 years now. I once met him at a reception following an ice show in Vancouver, and he was very nice to me even though I talked his ear off and he kind of looked like he wanted to call security.

Anyway, in the years following the 94 Games, they started showing tons and tons of skating on TV during the winter. And I watched all of it. Unfortunately, most of it was pro skating, which tended to be the same 10 or so skaters "competing" against each other every weekend, skating the same programs you had already seen them skate 50 times or so. After a while, it got really boring. What was never boring was the amateur, or Olympic-eligible competitions. In these competitions, there were actual rules about what you could or couldn't do, and the skaters were young and many weren't established, and there was the actual sense that what was happening was really important. In the men's competition in particular, there seemed to be a real battle raging about choreography and the way the sport was changing. Guys like my friend Elvis were skating to music that wasn't classical, using choreography that wasn't based on ballet. They were skating to rock and to the musical scores from action movies and that kind of thing. The judges weren't always buying it, and there still seemed to be a preference for the more traditional ballet-influenced style skated to classical music, but a few skaters (Elvis, Todd Eldredge, Michael Weiss, Timothy Goebel, and the 2002 Olympic champion, Alexei Yagudin) won competitions by emphasizing the more athletic side of the sport and skating with a more masculine edge.

I haven't watched much skating in the past four years. Not because of the judging scandal in the pairs competition at the Salt Lake Games -- that made me sick, but I wasn't particularly surprised by it -- but because Elvis has retired and no one else has really caught my attention in the same way, and also because my life is a lot busier. Due to having school-age children and an actual social life, I no longer have the time or the inclination to do geeky things like spending hours every day reading and posting on the figure skating Usenet group with all the other psycho skatefans like I used to. This is a good thing. But this year, I enjoyed watching U.S. Nationals, and although I didn't really understand the new scoring system, I looked forward to seeing it and all the new young skaters in action at the Olympics.

Imagine my disappointment when the first two events, pairs and men's, went to Russians I consider mediocre at best, both earning scores that left them so far ahead of the field that everyone else was merely competing for the silver and bronze.

From what I can tell, the new judging system is ten times worse than the last one. It masks the nationalities and potential biases of the judges on the panel, and makes it possible to justify placing one skater ahead of another based on a complicated system of points.

I will admit right up front that I have always disliked Evgeny Plushenko. It's not just because he's homely, has had a series of terrible haircuts, and usually wears ugly costumes. The same arguments could be made about Elvis in his heyday, sad to say. But Plushenko's supposed "artistry" has always looked like a lot of unnattractive arm-waving to me, and I don't think a furrowed brow and lots of posing right in front of the judges adds up to intensity or passion. I've never understood how he became the next great thing in men's figure skating. I went to the 2001 World Championships, where he won his first world title, and hoped his appeal would be more evident in person. It wasn't. Nevertheless, having not seen him skate for a couple of years, I sat down to watch his winning freeskate from this past Thursday night trying to keep an open mind. He's older and I hoped his skating would have matured. He even seemed to be wearing better costumes than I've seen him wear before.

He proceeded to skate the most poorly choreographed figure skating program I've ever seen. What commentators Dick Button and Sandra Bezic said, that it wasn't really a program and that he jumped, waved his arms around, and then jumped some more, were right on. His spins were sub-par to decent, his footwork was non-existant, and nothing he did seemed to have anything to do with the music. Yeah, he jumped a lot, and maybe he landed more jumps than anyone else, but so what? Almost everyone else actually had choreography. Imagine that.

Then he walked off the ice and earned scores that put him so far ahead that none of his competitors could touch him. I will never understand this. The skater who followed him -- the Swiss guy in the odd zebra/tiger costume with the blue sleeves -- skated a great program with weirdly awesome choreography and also did the same quad-triple-double jump combination Plushenko had done, only better. He didn't land as many jumps as Plushenko did, but the rest of his program should have more than made up for that. The second- and third- ranked American skaters both laid down terrific, clean programs. Every skater in the competition should have had a shot at beating Plushenko, based on choreography alone. But apparently, this year it was all about jumps, and so Plushenko was the shoo-in.

The thing that really gets me about this situation is that, back in the 90s, Elvis was the jump guy. He was the first man to land a quad-double combination and a quad-triple combination. Every time he competed, everyone wondered if he was going to do that quad. But he was criticized for his choreography, his spins, his lack of footwork, and even the way he landed all the amazing jumps he landed (yeah, I'm bitter). He worked on those things, and put together complete programs. You didn't have to love the guy, but at least you could see that, you know, he was doing all the stuff that were supposed to make up a program. The judging in the recent Olympic men's competition would indicate to me that none of this stuff counts anymore as long as you jump a lot and are, for whatever reason, the favorite coming into the competition. Given the fact that Russian men have now won the last 5 Olympic golds, I have to think being the top-ranked Russian guy is not exactly an impediment either.

To me, the question here isn't whether Plushenko has the whole package as a skater. He might, but he didn't put it out there on the ice on Thursday night. It could be argued that he's figured out what scores big under the new system and planned his program accordingly. My question is this: is a scoring system that rewards the performance Plushenko gave on Thursday night good for the sport of figure skating? If we're going to reward the big jumps above everything else, isn't it time to dispense with the rest of it and just hold a jumping competition?

I guess I really thought that the way the sport seemed to be changing 10 years ago was going to make a difference long-term. Now I'm just sad that the changes that have been effected seem to be moving things in a direction that will only serve to hurt figure skating in the eyes of the public, causing even more people out there to watch a competition, scratch their heads and say "how is this a sport?"

I'll watch the rest of the skating this Olympics, but I'll be doing so to enjoy the performances, not to see who ends up on the medal podium.

It's All Dr. Phil's Fault

Occasionally, if I see a commercial for an upcoming episode of Dr. Phil, I'll tape, and this past week, I taped one focusing on "Extreme Packrats." I had taped it upstairs in my bedroom, so when I started watching it, I was sitting on the bed not doing much. That changed pretty quickly.

I'm afraid of clutter. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a phobia, but it definitely can make me anxious. I wouldn't say my house is ever immaculate, because I don't have any anxiety about dirt and grime, but I do a lot of picking up and putting away. And other than the times when we have people coming over, any tidying and/or organizing I do is fueled by compulsion. I don't separate things into piles, throw things out, loads bags of things to give away and the like because I really want to -- I do it because I have to. Fortunately this compulsion to organize, to tidy, and to purge my home of items we don't want always has positive results, so I'm not unhappywhen it happens.

I have to have a lot of compulsion going on to tackle some of the bigger projects. For instance, our bedroom closet has needed cleaning out for probably 2 years. I'd done the floor a couple of times, but I just couldn't seem to make myself take everything off the shelves -- don't ask me why. I'm not going to try to claim any of this makes sense. It just hadn't gotten done.

Well, I watched that episode of Dr. Phil for less than ten minutes before I threw open the closet door and started pulling stuff out and putting it on the bed. Before long, the closet shelf was empty and the bed was full. I was ruthless as I decimated my completely out-of-control purse collection, tossing a good five of them into the donation pile, and I also finally went through the things hanging in at the end of the clothes bar that were left over from when I used to work in an office over 11 years ago, were way over-sized even then, and were never going to come back into fashion no matter how much I want them too.

(I will say that today I am mournng the loss of my bright green over-sized blazer with the shoulder pads, which would have been a brilliant part to the outfit I'm planning for the Bride's 80s-themed birthday party at the end of this month. Then again, I can always go down to the SPCA Thrift Shop this coming week and see if I can buy it back. It's hard to imagine they will want more than five bucks for it. Otherwise, everything that went in that pile was good riddance. I love the SPCA Thrift Shop. They'll take anything, and when I'm driving away I always have the urge to punch the accelerator and yell "Ha ha! Suckers!" out the window.)

Eventually I came to the pile of manilla envelopes growing on the floor on Reasonable Man's side of the closet. I have a very simple acounting system, in which all the bills, receipts and check duplicates we acquire are put into a manilla envelope bearing the month and year. These pile up. A few years ago, I decided we could probably part with everything corresponding to any year that started with 19, and set out to burn roughly 6 years worth of paper. Since it was spring, I would throw papers into the fireplace and then close the doors -- at one point, a great burning mass of them fell against the glass and one of the doors exploded across the room. I fortunately was a ways away and not in the line of the trajectory to be hit at the time, so I didn't get hurt. The incident did, however, cause to me feel this was probably not the ideal way to dispose of my documents in the future.

I do realize that a device called a paper shredder has been invented to deal with this sort of issue -- I just never thought I really needed one. My friend Sue has never been able to believe that I don't own a shredder -- she can't live without hers, and merrily shreds practically every scrap of paper that has the misfortune to come to her house. I could always see how it could be handy to have one, but I was never moved to actually buy one until this past week.

It so happened that on Thursday, the day I gutted my closet, Mermaid had what I will indelicately refer to as a shitload of homework. Lest you think I exaggerate, I think by the time she was finished, she'd had literally spent nearly 4 hours working on it. It was a bit ridiculous. Anyway, in addition to the two years worth of receipts, etc. I finally decided it was time to get rid of, I also found a shoebox full of check registers both empty and full and several books of unused checks with our old San Luis Obispo address on them. So while I sat and helped Mermaid deal with her pile of homework, I took on the mindless task of shredding the unused checks by hand. This, in a word, sucks. My thumbs quickly cramped up and it just generally wasn't pleasant. And it took a ridulously long time, considering that it was maybe 5 or 6 books of checks.

The pile of manila envelopes full of paper bits that needed shredding filled my laundry basket. In a box out in the garage, they weren't bothering me, but in a pile in my laundry basket, they had become clutter and needed to be dealt with immediately. My thumbs were still sore from ripping up checks the day before, so I decided the time was ripe, and I hit Office Max yesterday to buy a shredder. It was more expensive than I had expected, but it works very well. And so I got to work a-shreddin' all those paper bits.

(By the way, I do realize it's foolhardy to store financial information of any kind in my garage, which is left unlocked all the time. The stuff I have left over is safely stored in the house now, and no, I'm not going to say where in my blog.)

But here's the thing. Efficient as my shredder is, it still takes a long time to shred two years worth of receipts, bills and check duplicates. And you can't do a whole lot while you're doing it. You can't really read anything -- you need to keep your eyes on what you're doing. You can't really watch TV -- the shredder is too noisy to be able to hear it, and you can't watch it either. And so I have settled on the option of listening to podcasts, which are somewhat more engaging than just listening to music.

And this is why I am now listening to all the podcasts done so far this season by Tim Gunn, the guy on Project Runway who comes in and bosses the designers around and tells them that their designs have him "concerned" and basically makes them feel worse when they're probably already feeling rushed and stressed out. How awesome is that? I love the internet. And I'm even beginning to love this shredder for giving me an excuse to sit here and listen to this silly stuff.

Finished At Last

I did it. That's right. The novel is done, man. It might rotten eggs but it's done. It's 65,764 -- 8,554 of those words were written in the last 36 hours, and approximately 11,000 of them will probably be thrown in the trash heap before I deem it readable by anyone other than myself. But anyway. It's done, and I'm feeling pretty damn happy about that right about now.

My Strategy Is Working

I wrote almost 6,000 words yesterday and passed the 60,000 mark. That's great, because it means this novel will end up being as long as the other two in the series -- with both of them, I wrote over 60,000 words and then editted them down to around 55,000. I knew there's a lot of stuff that will need to be cut out of this latest work, and I was really afraid that it would be so short that cutting it down would turn it into a really long short story.

I basically need to write one more short chapter to wrap it up, and then the arduous editing process begins. Amazing.