Since I started writing this blog, I have been thinking about degrees of coolness. I read other people's blogs sometimes, and I've discovered from that exploration as well as having read a few other kinds of sites that there is some kind of legion of coolness in the blogging world to which I (and most of the millions of other blog-owners online) do not belong. I've only come across one -- it's entirely possible that I'm not cool enough to have come across the others. The people who are part of this legion all seem to have connections to one or both of the following websites: http://www.damnhellasskings.com/ and http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/. I enjoy both of these sites and I honestly don't mean to disparage anyone connected with them in this post (or any subsequent posts on this topic). I am just really intrigued by the idea of people becoming prominent online, and having others come to think they're cool, based on what they write. Let's face it: I'm jealous.
The idea of being the author of a "famous" blog appeals to me for so many reasons! Just writing down my random thoughts and experiences, couched in what I imagine to be my rapier wit, and have people bookmark me and check my site regularly for new pearls of my wisdom? Receiving actual entries to my guestbook, frequently hearing how awesome I am? Referring to all my other hip blog-community friends by their online names, and the cool places we go and interesting, blog-entry-worthy experiences we have? Does it get any better than this?
I don't expect it to happen though. Largely for the same reason I keep not doing anything to get my novels published -- I'm scared. I'm scared of drawing attention to myself, and I'm scared of making people angry or offending them with something I've written. For me, it's always been this way. Question: how much does cool have to do with a) not caring if you make people mad, and b) willingness to draw attention to oneself? The number of people I've even told that I have this blog is pretty small. My own husband didn't know I had it for two months. I give out my daughter's blog address more readily than I give out my own. But really -- I didn't start this blog to remain anonymous or maintain my privacy, and anyone who uses that reasoning really needs to think about it some more. I have never been one to keep a journal -- it's always bored me. The fact that people might read what I have to say here is the entire reason I'm writing. The fact that not many do is probably one of the things that keeps me from posting more regularly. Overall, I'm kind of disgusted with myself on the whole blog-front. The whole idea of seeking prominence is, in the end, just too scary. Woe is me.
Enough of my pity party. Time to use the blow dryer before my hair is lost cause for the day. Don't ever say I don't have my priorities in order!